I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
