were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thank you for not boning my boss.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
