He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
BRING THE BAGELS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
