I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
