shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
