3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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