I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
