yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
