So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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