i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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