i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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