If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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