I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
MIDGETS
????
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
