When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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