I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize