i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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