he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
