Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
