You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
