It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
