I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
