if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
