I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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