Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
