false alarm. still invincible.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize