I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
