just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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