i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I could fuck to npr.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
