Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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