Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
