Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
