Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
