Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
