Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
