i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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