I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
