recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
