Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
