so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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