So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
