i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
