We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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