Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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