Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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