I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
