I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
