He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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