Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
