When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it glows. i had to have it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
