My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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