im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
