Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
