Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
