whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
