I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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