is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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