I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
