If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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