Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and she was petting her beer can
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
