You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize