I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
