yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
