my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
