His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
