there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
