Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize