It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
