no you cant smoke seaweed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
