It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
